hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
