She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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