Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
