i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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