Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The air taste purple.
Randomize
