So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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