so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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