sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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