morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
