you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
