I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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