we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
