Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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