oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
