Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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