Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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