I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
