i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
