I just pynch a tree in the face
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
