I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
