Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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