I'm drive I can fine osifer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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