At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
