I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
