just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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