We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
