idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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