Jerry, you need to find god
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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