Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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