When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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