omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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