yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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