haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
