Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
