She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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