and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
