she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
