You're so nebulous sometimes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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