The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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