Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
