Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
