Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
