And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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