ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
