I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
