Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
