I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
