Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
