I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
