i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
