I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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