im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
